Internet Badass

Trinidad-Wright

2005-05-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

I just watched Winky Wright absolutely dismantle Felix Trinidad. Seriously, he beat his ass. Winky's rematch offer not withstanding, Tito really needs to hang it up. I had it 12 rounds to zip, as did one of the judges (the other two had it 11-1). Winky looked like Hopkins II out there, and I don't know why Tito would take him on again.

Beyond that, I look forward to Winky next fighting, potentially, the winner of Hopkins-Taylor. While it might not be electrifying to the public, it would certainly be welcome to boxing fans.

And how high must Gary Shaw be feeling right now? First Corrales now Wright. What an 8 day stretch...

F Don King.

Castillo-Coralles

2005-05-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

The fight last weekend between Jose Luis Castillo and Diego Corrales was the best fight I've ever seen. How appropriate that it took place just a few weeks removed from the 20th anniversary of Hagler-Hearns. From the outset, it was a clinic on inside fighting, a true "phone-booth" style fight. Non-stop action made the majority of the rounds almost unscoreable, and the tenth and final round produced one of the most amazing sequence of events I've ever witnessed.

Some are saying it's the fight of the year, others say fight of the decade, and still others say it's the best fight in the history of boxing. Wherever it ranks, it is definitely must-see TV for a boxing fan, and if you haven't seen it yet, Showtime is replaying it Friday night. I've seen it 3 times now, and I'll be watching it again.

Truly, truly extraordinary. I pray to the boxing gods that a rematch is in the cards (not to mention the prospect of Corrales going up to fight Mayweather or Tszu or down to take on Morales, Barrera, or even Pacquiao). And how classy is Diego Corrales? You just want to hug the guy.

The Direction of Sports

2005-05-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one who has noticed an alarming trend in football and basketball within the last few years? I'm not talking about astronomical contracts or steroids or anything like that. I'm talking about the way the games are being directed for television.

With increasing frequency, directors are employing odd camera angles that add nothing and, in most cases, limit the viewer's ability to see what's going on. The center court/50 yard line camera angles are clearly the superior shots, maximizing the amount of action a viewer can see and replicating the angle enjoyed by those sitting in the best seats in the house. It makes no sense why these directors are choosing to shoot action from the opposite end of the floor/field or, even worse, overhead. Especially bad is when they try to switch camera angles in the middle of an especially exciting sequence (e.g. fast break, interception return, etc.) and end up missing the finishing action.

I seem to remember that a similar trend developed in baseball about ten years back, but they finally realized that nothing beats the center-field cam. So...if any of the 3 people that read this blog happen to work in the sports televising industry, please just stick to the basics.

Further Evidence That ESPN Sucks

2005-04-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

Regardless of ESPN's shortcomings vis-a-vis other sports (which are themselves well-documented), they clearly don't know boxing.

ESPN.com apparently had tonight's Toney-Ruiz fight scored 115-113 for Ruiz. This is outrageous for at least 2 reasons. First, pretty much anyone who saw that fight (judges, all HBO commentators, me, my friends, etc.) had Toney winning by a convincing margin (I had it 116-111 Toney; he clearly dominated the fight). Second, ESPN is apparently unaware that regardless of whether the ref is "correct" in calling a knockdown, a judge is still obligated to score the round as if a knockdown occurred (which ESPN's score of 115-113 could not have mathematically accounted for).

ESPN's Dan Rafael, who expressed surprise that the judges conformed to the rules and scored the round a Toney knockdown, clearly needs a lesson. But then again, this moron also incorrectly described the surprisingly active fight as one which "was spent with both men at close range throwing sporadic shots." Wrong. Ruiz abdicated his much-maligned clinching style to engage in a relative slugfest with Toney; look at the Compubox numers. I'm not saying that this was a great fight by any means, but it far exceeded the expectations ESPN is so reluctant to abandon. In fact, Rafael's analysis is so far from accurate, I'm not entirely convinced that he actually watched this fight.

Pathetic, ESPN. Just pathetic. Keep up the good work!

NFL Draft 2005

2005-04-23T21:44:00.000-07:00

This will be quick, though I'll try to add more later...

The only team in this year's draft day one that I thought was worthy of an A grade is the Dallas Cowboys. Just a great, great job of getting the players they need to improve significantly on defense next year and facilitate the move to the 3-4. They still have some major holes to fill at other positions (S, WR, change up RB, etc.), but they formulated a day one plan to improve their front 7 and did a hell of a job of executing it.

The biggest losers were the Detroit Lions and Washington Redskins. I absolutely love Mike Williams, but I don't know what the hell Detroit was thinking taking him given that (a) they already have 2 great WR's (who were also top 10 picks the last 2 drafts) and (b) they have sooo many other needs (read: defense). As far as the Skins, Joe Gibbs just looked disinterested, and it was reflected by his picks and, particularly, the trade made late last week to get one of them. Awful.

Oh, and I forgot about the Denver Broncos. But by the time people are reading this tomorrow, it will seem like old hat to eviscerate their ghastly draft. Nice going, fellas.

Liquid Drano Wannabe Bullwinkle

2005-04-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

Other than that, gimme a couple bean burritos and maybe some otter pops, and I'll be a happy camper.

...God I love that movie.

You heard it here first.

2005-04-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

Ced Benson will be the best RB out of this year's draft crop, even though Ronnie Brown (and maybe even Carnell Williams) will be selected ahead of him. That is all.

Cola Wars - the Best Selling Soda 2005

2005-04-19T00:39:00.000-07:00

The Cola Wars, once a prime focus of media attention, have really gone under-noticed lately. Anyway, here are the top selling carbonated beverages as of March 2005:

1. Coke

2. Pepsi

3. Diet Coke

4. Mountain Dew

5. Diet Pepsi

Full list here.

The Further Adventures of Fashionable Nonsense

2005-04-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Reminiscent of the Alan Sokal/Social Text incident, a group of MIT grad students recently submitted intentionally nonsensical computer science papers to some conferences and actually had one of them accepted.

But what makes this even better than the Sokal episode is that these guys didn't write the papers - they wrote a program, called SCIgen, to generate them automatically using "context free grammar."

On a scale of 1 to Ron Mexico, I give this a 7.

The Wire > Deadwood

2005-04-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

It really pisses me off how much HBO is jocking Deadwood. It's not that I think the show is bad (though it certainly isn't great). But The Wire is the best show on that network right now (and possibly all of television...ever?), and during its last season, HBO treated it like the ugly girl at the dance compared to what they're doing for Deadwood right now.

As Jelani Marvelous might say, "That's racist!"

Billy Ripken, Fuckface

2005-04-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

So I was reminiscing today about the Billy Ripken Fuck Face card. For those not in the know, Billy Ripken's 1989 Fleer baseball card features a picture of him posing with his bat leaning on his shoulder. It appeared that on the bottom of the knob of his bat, someone had written, "Fuck Face." The card instantly became an incredibly hot item.

I seem to remember that one of the explanations was that it actually said "Rock Face" and one of Ripken's teammates had written it on the bat because he never smiled. Now, I'll admit that, at the time, this seemed like a pretty flimsy explanation, but when you look at the card, I guess it doesn't seem completely implausible.

The real question is - why isn't this historical sidenote anywhere on the Internet? When I did a few Googles on this, I couldn't find anything about this explanation. A few sites, including the reputable folks at Snopes, take it for granted that that there is "no doubting" what is written on the bat. And when I do a search on things like "Billy Ripken fuck face rock face" nothing of relevance comes up.

Is it possible the "Rock Face" explanation was so flimsy as to have been completely discarded over the years? Given the nature of the Internet, I think not. So what is keeping it out of the public purview? Or am I just making up this "recollection"?

The truth is, indeed, out there.

Fork > Chopsticks

2005-04-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why Americans insist on eating Chinese food with chopsticks when the fork is such a superior eating utensil. Chopsticks are clearly not "better" in the utilitarian sense, because if they were, people would eat other kinds of food with them. So then the only reason people use them, I suppose, is to conform to the "cultural" eating practice of using chopsticks. But people don't insist on sitting on the floor when they order in Japanese food. Or wear wifebeaters when eating Italian.

And what about technological evolution? I'm sure there were plenty of inferior eating methods that have fallen into disuse over the years as superior ones emerge. Why have chopsticks persisted? It is truly one of life's enduring mysteries...

Defining Sport (A Work in Progress)

2005-04-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

I have had many spirited conversations with friends over the years concerning whether a particular activity is (or perhaps more appropriately, should be considered) a sport. Many of these discussions concern figure skating, the details of which I will not bore you with now.

Some of my friends employ the "if it's on ESPN" or "if it's at the Olympics" reasoning, while others subscribe to the nebulous "I know it when I see it" school of thought. But none of them have articulated to me a principled set of criteria for determining whether an activity is/should be a sport. And generally speaking, I've yet to see a persuasive conceptual definition of sport (i.e. not just a dictionary description).

So here is my own attempt at a coherent standard...

My test would have 3 prongs. First, as a threshold matter, it must require substantial athletic output (the precise definition of which will be left to a subsequent post, but suffice to say, it would probably exclude things like poker and billiards). Second, the outcome of the contest must not be determined by subjective judgments alone (at this point, figure skating, which concededly requires substantial athletic output, would fail). Third (and most controversially), it must be adversarial; that is to say, there must be offense and defense - you must be able to physically oppose your opponent (this would arguably exclude things like track and field events, widely considered sports).

Because the final prong is so controversial, I've thought about combining the second and third prongs as an either/or proposition. If I do that, I might modify the second prong to eliminate the "alone" requirement.

But for now, I'm happy keeping the 3-prong formulation as it stands, regardless of whether it excludes certain track and field events or not, which I would reclassify as "athletic contests" (defined as activities meeting the first 2 prongs of the test). Those meeting only the first prong, I would dub "athletic exhibitions." Those not meeting even the first prong (regardless of whether it meets 2 and/or 3), I would label "games." I'm hard-pressed to think of anything that might meet prongs 1 and 3, but not 2 (because, I think, by definition, opposition creates at least one non-subjective outcome determinant); but I will conduct further analysis, and if I think of something, I will label it and update.

Quick Note on the Idol Results Show

2005-04-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

That song Fantasia sang was terrible, and she wasn't just "acting" ugly; she looked hideous, as usual. But at least her career is going better than still morbidly obese Ruben Studdard, who is guest-"starring" on some show called "Life on a Stick." Sounds big. Way to go, Velvet Teddy Bear.

American Idol really needs to score a better winner this year. Part of the problem is that the system allows people who have no intention of buying albums to vote for the winner. Black America, I'm looking in your direction...

Michael Vick, Badass (Further Evidence)

2005-04-06T12:40:00.000-07:00

This morning, I heard on the radio that a woman is suing Vick for giving her herpes during an unprotected sexual encounter. Wait, that's not the evidence.

Apparently, Vick used the alias "Ron Mexico" with the woman, which is hilarious in its own right, but the fact that it is so close to "Roger Mexico," a character from Thomas Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow" makes it officially badass. Who knew Vick was a member of both the football elite and the literati...

UPDATE: Here's the official complaint. The question this begs to me is...why did this woman feel the need to a/k/a Vick as "Ron Mexico"? It's not like her lawyers didn't know how to track him down or alias/identity was an issue in the suit. Did she think it was some sort of PSA?

Summitt Passes Smith

2005-04-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

We have a new Dean of Basketball, ladies and gentlemen, and her name is Pat Summitt. This is almost as exciting as when Sadaharu Oh passed Hank Aaron to become the all-time home run leader!

All of which makes me curious - do my masturbation stats count toward Wilt's record? Because I'm clearly closing in...

Skip Bayless, Imbecile (Further Evidence)

2005-04-06T00:39:00.001-07:00

If anyone had any remaining shred of doubt that this guy was a complete moron, please reference his latest incoherent "article" on ESPN.com's consistently atrocious Page 2, and it should be immediately eliminated.

Anyone who tries to argue that the NBA is better than college basketball, especially after this season and this tournament, should be summarily Schiavoed.

Schiavo Billy Packer

2005-04-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

That just really works as a verb, no?

Anyway, if you are asking yourself why in the hell humorless imbecile Billy Packer called like his 50th straight Final Four this weekend, please refer to the link at right entitled Fire Billy Packer Petition. It's already gotten quite a few signatures (in the neighborhood of 1200). Please join along.

To cite just one recent example of Packer idiocy, Patrick Sparks was yelling "Take that, motherfucker!" at Packer when he hit the three that sent the UK-MSU regional final into OT (Packer had made a big deal about the refs no-calling a Sparks travel at a critical point in an SEC tourney game). But when asked about it, Packer said that Sparks had probably said, "I made that shot for you."

Kind of like the time Packer denied calling Duke coeds stupid bitches and then "remembered" when confronted with evidence. (Yeah, I'm playing the gender subordination card. Deal with it. Catherine McKinnon is a great hero of mine anyway, and you know it.)

The Pope must diet!!